Mon coeur est à Papa

As I come from a very patriarcal country, my lovely trips back to my home country are always such a great fun… And getting closer to Christmas and the opprtunity to go home, I have the feeling that the next trip back is gonna be particularly rock’n roll and I’ll tell you why.

Every single year, I cannot escape the unmissable question: Why am I still single? What’s goddam wrong with me? How come could I reach 25 this year and still not having been able to tie the knot or at least bring someone home for Christmas…? Especially in the arsehole of the world lovely countryside where my parents live, where there is absolutely NOTHING to do, you HAVE TO find someone as soon as you reach 20 years old at the latest, to fill up your life. Otherwise, by 25 years old you are already considered as an old and frustrated “spinster” which I am, according to lots of my family members.

For lot of them who never lived in a big city, the fact not to be able to share the wonderful TV program during the long winter nights (TV programs are as good in France as in the UK so I let you imagine how boring it can be…) is just not thinkable. And I am sure, if I would be leaving over there, I would probably think the same way to be honest…

My apologizes to the members of my family -adventurous enough- who dared to come over to see me once, they don’t ask me such a question, but they are too few… :( So I will have to stand that once again this year as soon as my mum will have the wonderful idea to invite aunties and uncles around to see the “baby-who-came-home for xmas”

Especially as in the countryside-of-France-where-there-is-nothing-else-to-do, still exists a really odd tradition called Catherine’s day. In a still deep-down catholic country, saints are still powerful when needed and give us the opportunity to get some extra bank holidays, which is so  far, the only advantage we can get from them. Saint Catherine is the saint every single woman who reaches 25 without being married should pray to get a husband in the year coming (don’t mix her up with Saint Rita who is the Saint of desperate causes, well slightly the same anyway)… Guess what for… For procreating obviously! As it is the big aim of every single woman in the world! In spite of this absolutely fantastic opportunity it gives me to pray (which happens every 20 years never since I discovered that there were no monsters under my bed) I am sorry to confess (it is not because I don’t pray that I am not spiritual, thank you!) that I don’t give a goddam F… As you probably understood already, I feel really ok being single and I don’t really know why I should demonstrate my marital status, by walking down the street wearing a hat full of fluffy green (for hope) and yellow (for fertility, here you go) stuff to attract potential partners. Because that’s what it is all about… And when I was talking about odd traditions, I was not only joking!

To be honest, I would revendicate my marital status though, to be based on a principle more and more spread accross the planet with the increasment of single people: Unigamy (new word of the day! Yeah!). Neither polygamy (several partners), nor monogamy (one partner though), nope. None of those. Unigamy: partner of yourself  which is already a huge challenge. To get along with yourself… When the yourself in question is me, I can tell you it is far to be easy-piece-of-cake!

As I have to say: my man-hunting (read between the line: the potential father of my children, Ahahaha!) is far to be sedulous. As indeed, I don’t like children, and to wear a long, white fancy dress for my wedding just makes me sick, it is not tomorrow that I will chase anyone. And to be perfectly honest, I am anyway really bad at chatting up someone and for a really good reason: I don’t care… 

Cause, after a deep analyse of the phenomena, I have to reckon, I regularly:

miss the guy in the street who looks alike Brad Pitt who passed right next to me and whom all my friends have seen.

wear a parfum which attracts all the dumb or ugly guys -sometimes both when I am feeling lucky!- (statictically, in one house-party if there are about 20 - 30 nice looking guys, you can be sure that the only one who is goddam stupid is gonna come to me)…

am attracted by guys who have a serious brain issue…

And I could carry on like that for ages if I wanted… I definitively have a problem with targetting the potential person who could makes me happy as on the top of that, the last ones have been basically everything but successful… That’s the least I can say!

But as apparently, according to my family’s speech (please see above), it is actually not normal to enjoy your own company… The proof is: if you google (I love this verb, is even works in French!  Yeah!) the word “single”, the webpage of answers is covered by links towards websites about “how to meet someone”, speed-dating etc, etc… Cause as far as I know, the best person on Earth who knows how to make myself happy… is ME!!! So I don’t need anyone else to try to make it happen. Thank you very much!

“Mariage is a wonderful opportunity to share with somebody the problems who would have never got if you would have stayed single.”  (Sacha Guitry)